"It’s not a question of missing you anymore; I mean, I still feel a twinge when I hear your favorite song, but it’s no longer an ache in my bones, and I think that’s called progress."
I know now that I can’t save you,
But I didn’t know that at 13 or 18 or even 20.
At 13, I didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so much that your heart could feel like it was going to beat right out of your chest so when you said you loved me, it was the first time I heard it from a boy I liked so much that it hurt so of course I said it back & even though I didn’t know what love was back then, I knew it had to feel something like that.
At 18, I didn’t know that my heart could bleed for nights at a time, but it can & there was so many nights that I thought I was going to die but you said you loved me again & I said I loved you back, I meant it.
God knows I meant it.
I was a few days from being 21 & you said you were sorry so I unlocked my door for the last time & I held your hand like I did when I was 13; I led you to the bed & I let you undress me like you did for the first time when I was 18 & sorry felt like your lips all over me & it wasn’t nearly enough but that night, it felt like it was.
I’ve been 21 for almost two months now & I know for sure that I can’t save you & your apology that night wasn’t nearly enough.
I know that you still aren’t sorry & when we had sex, it was the only time you ever gave a fuck.
But what a fuck it was."
I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
‘Cause each time you reach out there’s no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can’t say “Hello” to you
And risk another goodbye.
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don’t
I almost do,
I almost do.
Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It’s probably better off this way.
And I confess, babe,
In my dreams you’re touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.